What If :
    The bulk of our Mental Pain and Suffering Were Due To Blocking The Expression of Love that Is ALREADY THERE... but Simply Cannot Be Expressed Because We are Indoctrinated From Birth Into a Social Model of "Conditional Love" That Had It's Roots In a "Conditional / Transactional" Model of Human Interaction that Simply Did Not Exist Until The Advent of Money and Materialism Which Were Totally Foreign Concepts During The Bulk Of our Human Evolution And Only Appeared 9,000 Years Ago?

Against Our Natures - 
Love, The Well Intentioned, Brutal Act of Socialization. 

    I assert that at the heart of our confusion is conditional love.  Except when our survival is at stake the essence of the human being is Love.  To deny our love is to deny ourselves.  Giving love is the most natural act of a human being. 

   The corruption of our very beautiful natures begins when our parents, who with the best of intentions, start using love as a tool of control.  Though our nature is to love without condition and as an expression of who we are, we are intrinsically taught that love is something that must be earned. We are taught that Love is a tool to manipulate others.  An item of trade. Something to be exchanged for something of like kind, or withheld  if the other party does not live up to our expectations.   We have taken concepts of monetary exchange at a business level and confused them with matters of the heart and spirit.  It simply does not work.

  Eventually we are even taught to conditionally love ourselves.  We only give ourselves Love if we conform to a set of "shoulds" that are often not of our own choosing but shoulds we are culturally indoctrinated into.  We are taught to use love as a tool of manipulation even upon ourselves. 

Accepting The Love of Others
   It seems we are culturally taught that if we cannot reciprocate, we cannot accept.  Therefore if I tell someone I Love them and they do not feel the same way (at that time) then they must not accept my gift of Love.  We must state how we feel and not accept what we cannot return in like fashion.

     It seems to me that all the pain I have felt around Love has had very little to do with how the other person felt about me.  It has been from not being able to express my Love and have it accepted.   Not being able to fully say simply what was so for me.

    Sometimes I have not told someone I Loved them, for fear of putting them in an "awkward" position.   I blocked myself from ever communicating and expressing my love, mainly for the "fear of rejection..... of my gift" not so much that I needed them to "return the favor".  There was no favor to return.... There was a Love to be given life and expression.   Holding love inside, unexpressed  hurts.  It simply hurts.  

The Need to Control
   Our frustrations with others results in a particular "craziness" that is almost comical when you see the dynamics of what I am suggesting is really going on below the surface.  We naturally want to love others, correction we DO LOVE OTHERS!.... that is our nature.  If we only wanted to, it wouldn't be so painful!  However we are taught that we cannot express that love without conditions. They must reflect back some measure of the same conditions we apply to ourselves.  If our condition of self love is to "work hard" then when we see that in others, it's ok to love them. 

   If we really didn't have this desire and inherent *need* to love, it wouldn't drive us crazy when they didn't fit our conditions of being worthy of love and love-able.  Those same conditions we were raised and indoctrinated into.  What a mess! What a Crazy Crazy Mess!

     Darn it hurts so very much to Not Love! That is what drives us crazy! When they don't pick their silly socks off the floor!  Pain.....zzzzzzzzzt  Electrodes to the head.... another jolt.

   No doubt there is a small bit of frustration to having your environment not meet your standards.  You know you can't love your environment and the conditions of you life unless it meets certain conditions as well!  Wonder where those conditions came from?  

   I suggest that the bulk of our pain, the bulk of our frustrations are from withholding our love due to our attaching conditions to allowing us to express it.  It's Already There, It would be different if weren't!   It IS there.    That's why withholding our love and hate go hand in hand.  We with our conditions holding back the love that's already there, not allowing it's expression.... feeling pain as a result and blaming the world and those we love the most... the ones that we withhold the most love from for our pain.  Do our actions make any sense at all?  Is there some Cost/Benefit lying in the background that  really makes such a situation justifiable?

   I suggest there is none.  I suggest that if it didn't get so ingrained so early, before we could see what was actually going on, it would appear to us on a conscious intuitive level to be as counterproductive as it is painful.


Written several days before revision of 2/6/03